oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
