Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
