1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
