I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I had to cum in my sink.
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