where am i from again
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
