I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We left the knife in your bed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
