is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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