Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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