i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
