I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
