$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
