had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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