You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
