After last night, I could never be a politician.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
