honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When are your genitals available?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
