he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
