when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
