i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
