i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's rum buckets o'clock
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
