I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
