Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My life is pants optional.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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