im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
