Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
