So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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