did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
