Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
