I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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