My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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