I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
