I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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