lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
