I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
