Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
