You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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