I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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