I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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