All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
