When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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