So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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