Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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