Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
