I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
