Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
