Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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