Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
