My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
