Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
