Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
