i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
