So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
