Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
