no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
