Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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